god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
