can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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