Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
