fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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