It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
