dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
