farters have to be the big spoon...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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