spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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