im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
