were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
