I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
