My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
