Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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