I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
