Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
