u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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