Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
