i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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