HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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