Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Are my feet made of real feet?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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