Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
