Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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