called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm too high and old for this...
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
