i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
