We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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