I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
