Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
