you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
