My friends, they love my intelligence
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
