I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
whose parrot is this?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
