Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
