I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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