we have officially lost it.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Life is so much better after having sex.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
