If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
No stitches, just platelets and will power
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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