I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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