woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
