He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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