My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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