Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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