Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Congratulations! We have a period
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
