fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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