How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
