I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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