my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
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