no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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