Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
