Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
