remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
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