Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
