hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
