sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you traded sex for a burrito?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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