Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
