It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
