can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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