Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
